


Two Of Them

by GayFrankensteinsMonster



Series: after the bureau, everything's fine [5]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Babies, Gen, Kid Fic, Kravitz is trying very hard, M/M, Magnus is a carpenter, Platonic Relationships, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Taako is irresponsible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-09 09:11:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10408809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayFrankensteinsMonster/pseuds/GayFrankensteinsMonster
Summary: Angus is a detective.Apparently this time, he couldn't detective good enough to see through Taako's horseshit.





	

**Author's Note:**

> elves have paws and claws and floppy ears that help them with sensory things  
> put up ur goddamn dukes

Angus was very worried.

Now, he was living a very good life, lately. He was leading a very productive taskforce for the militia in Neverwinter, he had a very good family, he chatted with all his friends back from the bureau, and that was all great! He loved that whole deal. He was so incredibly glad for all that, because wow, he definitely didn't expect for this to happen! This was not on the plan for his life. It was fine, though, it was fine. He could handle a deviance from what he had planned. Not right now, though. Right now he was completely worried. Not panicking. No, not that at all. He was not a panicker. Angus McDonald, head detective, all-around important boy, was not a panicker. He was just worried.

So that was why he was holed up in the manager’s office of a rustic little restaurant, shoulders wound tight and hands pressed tight between his knees. He knew Taako worked here, knew the woman that owned the place was a good friend of his. So he was camping out until closing. And boy, it was the most uncomfortable he'd ever been. He'd stayed in until well past closing, watching the sun dip down below the horizon through the tiny window. He felt his stomach turn, anxiety burrowing up into his ribs and curling there. The doorknob clicked, and a drow woman poked her head in.

“Alright, we’re done out here. You can get outta the manager prison now.” She rubbed her eyes and pulled a batch of hair clips out of her bangs, shoving them into the pocket of her dress. “Angus, right? I saw you at Taako’s weddings.”

He nodded, standing up and extending a hand. She didn't shake it. “Um. Yes! Yes, ma’am. And you're Ren.”

“And I'm Ren. Look, I get why you're here, and- Taako called in a couple months ago. Said he was having a stay-cation and didn't want to be bothered! I haven't heard from him, but. I dunno, I'm not that worried.”

“I know, I know. I was just wondering if you'd- He's stopped calling me? I don't want to break into his house or anything,” Angus sighed, smoothing his tie out. This was an uncomfortable conversation, but he was worried! Taako had been incommunicado for a long time, and that was the nightmare scenario. He could be anywhere! He could be in jail, or dead, or being held hostage somewhere.

“You don't want to break into his house _alone.”_

_“I didn't say that!”_

“You implied it. A little. And you know what? I love it. He'd love it. And if he's staying at home and doesn't want to be bugged, then mystery solved.”

“Alternately, he's lying. He does that,” Angus knew he had a point. Taako was, in fact, a chronic liar. Ren seemed to consider it and sighed, nodding.

“Okay. Alright, let’s go break into his house before we start the conspiracy theories.”

* * *

 

They did not end up having to break into his house. Ren and Angus marched up to that house, prepared and ready to bust in. Ren had knocked on the door, probably a little more forcefully than necessary, and waited. She looked over at Angus, mouth screwed up into a line and raising her eyebrows.

“What are we gonna do when he answers the door and tells us to go away?”

“We’ll just say we wanted to check up on him.”

“At midnight.”

“Yes. At midnight. He's an elf, it's fine.”

“I'm also- Nevermind. It’s definitely not fine, but nevermind.” Ren shook her head and knocked again. This sucked. Angus was anxious, chewing his thumbnail and tapping his foot as he waited. Should he blast the door open? Ren glanced over at him and sighed, turning fully and folding her arms. And then she screamed, slightly, when the door slammed open and a completely horrifying, cacophonous roar could be heard. Ren whipped around, ears flat against her head and Angus instinctively went for his wand, arm raised and pointed at the door and at-

“Kravitz!”

Ren recognized him immediately, running and jumping to hug him. He looked- Well, like absolute shit. He was frazzled, clothes rumpled and wet. Patches of his skin were translucent, bone glowing faintly underneath. Kravitz cleared his throat and patted Ren awkwardly on the shoulder, before wiping his hands down his shirt. He had to raise his voice to talk over the barking coming from inside, and Angus could hear a hoarse voice yelling at them to quiet down.

“I don't- I don't understand why you're here, you've- You've got the dogs set off, Magnus is out of town, so, you can't be here for him-”

Angus stepped closer, wand still loosely held in his hand. He wasn't ready to fire, but he wasn't leaving himself completely vulnerable. He had suspicions, and Kravitz was doing nothing but feed them as he fidgeted and tugged at the collar of his shirt. The barking settled down, and Angus could see the dogs milling about inside.

“We’re looking for Taako? We've both been worried, since he's been somewhat- Kravitz, he's been gone for at least two months. I'm concerned as a detective and as his brother, sir.”

“I should mention that I'm less worried,” Ren piped up. “I figure he takes off the time he needs. But I do miss seeing him around-”

She was cut off by a cry from inside, high-pitched and squawking and decidedly-

Goddamnit. It clicked into place for Angus. Taako had been gone for a few months, he had been complaining about soreness and aches and lack of spell slots, probably burned on Disguise Self, he had been very careful with what he ate and drank...

“Excuse me, sir. Was Taako trying to hide that he was _pregnant?”_

Ren didn't give Kravitz the time to answer. She hollered and bolted into the house, shoving him out of the way. Angus waited until Kravitz straightened himself out, looking utterly hopeless as he invited Angus inside.

“I didn't tell you anything, you understand? He had this whole- Reveal planned out.”

“Understood. Have you two just been holed up here this whole time?”

“It's only been a few weeks on our own, really,” Kravitz sighed as he followed Angus. “I'm on leave from my whole- Job situation, and I do adore him, so we've been fine. Normally Magnus is around too, but there was a carpentry expo that he left for last month, and he's had some trouble getting back-”

“Please tell me you told him _something_ about this happening.”

“I would have if he answered his stupid- Stupid stone once in a while. You'd think he'd be more cautious, given his...” Kravitz broke off into mumbles as he locked the door, waving off in the direction of the kitchen. “He’s in there. Go nuts.”

Angus sighed, very glad that he was going to be in and out before the inevitable breakdown that would happen when this whole farce was discovered. It wouldn’t be bad, of course, but it would be stressful, and Angus was more than happy to avoid adding stress to his life. Being in contact with Taako, though- That sure didn’t help. That definitely raised the whole stress-bar. Angus poked his head into the kitchen, not sure what he was going to see.

Floating Taako was standard, though. No surprise there. He was hovering a few inches off the ground, the bottom of his bathrobe and his toes dragging on the floor. The cropped-off pouf of hair on his head was frizzy, he was stirring what appeared to be fifteen gallons of soup in a pot on the stove, and his sweatpants were more hole than pant. Nothing new about him, really.

The baby clutching at his chest with needlepoint little claws, that was an addition. They were tiny, distinctly elven, little paws and floppy ears and all. Taako hooked a finger around their wrist and flexed it, releasing their claws from his skin and sighing.

“Ango, I love you, but if you so much as make a _peep_ I will strike you down where you stand”

Angus, compliant, didn't make a peep. He stood there, hands folded in front of him, bouncing lightly on his toes. No sudden movements. No noise. He watched as Taako fussed over the infant, prodding their cheek with a knuckle and ruffling their hair. No, okay, he had to say something. Quietly though, quietly.

“Sir? How old are they?”

Taako glanced between Angus and the baby, absently allowing them to grab at his finger and rake their claws over it.

“Disobeying, see, I have to strike you down. No, uhhhh, they’re two-ish weeks. Ish. I don’t know, man, elf-type babies always seem way more active than shitty human babies.”

“Elf-types don’t normally sleep as much, and the longer gestation period-”

“Shush. Do you want to hold the fat little thing or no.”

Angus nodded emphatically, holding his arms out. Taako floated himself over and set the baby down, leaning over to give them a peck on the forehead. Their face scrunched up before their eyes opened, blinking up at Angus. Their cheeks were round and they had the same hooded eyes and broad nose as Taako, but a shade paler and much, much chubbier. The little scruff of black hair on their head was mussed, and Angus patted them gently to try to fix it. They stretched and yawned with a tiny noise, limbs skewing all over the place before Angus tried to tuck their legs back into their blanket.

“They're, um- Sorry, I don't know what to say. You did a good job, sir. Thanks for not being dead. What are you going to do now?”

“Oh, y’know. Probably head back to work once Mags and Krav are all settled.” Taako examined his claws, stretching his fingers out and wiggling them. “They can handle a couple babies.”

“A _couple?”_

“Well, yeah. It's fine, though. That's like, a two to three baby-adult ratio. It works. Mathematically.”

“It. That's not how math works, sir,” Angus pointed out, wincing as the baby in his arms pulled on his tie. “Are you sure you guys are going to be okay? I can help, if you want.”

Taako softened, gathering his robe up around himself and sighing. The corner of his mouth twitched up, and his ears flicked happily.

“We’ll be fine. Thank you though, dude. When their ears pop, I'll take you up on that offer. That's when they start being all people-like, cause they get their sense of balance and all. I don't know how I'm gonna deal with two crawling shit-goblins, so. Y’know. I'll take you and Ren’s help.”

“Right. Speaking of-”

“Oh!” Taako pointed over Angus’ shoulder, at a doorway across the hall. “In there. I asked her to put the other nugget to bed while I cooked. Would you mind poppin’ that bad boy in there too?”

Angus nodded, bending his knees to get down on Taako's level and smooch the top of his head. And with that he set off, poking his head into the bedroom; it was obviously shared and Kravitz had obviously tried to keep it somewhat in order and obviously failed. Ren was kneeling next to the bed, watching the baby currently dozing off on the bed. Angus settled the second baby next to them, humming as he sat down.

“I feel kinda bad for making the poor guy work while he was- Y’know.” Ren admitted, reaching out to poke at one of the infant’s bellies.

“I'm sure he would've stopped coming to work if he felt like he needed to. And now you get to be a helpful aunt.”

“And you can be a helpful uncle.” She pointed out, ears batting back. “I think it'll be fun. Feel a little sorry for Kravitz, though.”

Angus laughed, falling backwards to stare up at the ceiling. There were plastic glow-in-the-dark stars stuck there, vaguely shaped like a dick. “He'll be a good dad.”

“And Magnus?”

“Magnus will be _exceptional._ If anything, he'll dad too well. He'll end up spoiling them.” Angus sat up, suddenly remembering just who occupied this bed on a nightly basis, and what a bad idea it would be to flop his whole body on it. “They'll be fine. Worst comes to worst, we split them fifty-fifty. You get a baby, I'll get a baby. I know how to deal with babies.”

Ren grinned and opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted when her ears swiveled. Angus turned and listened, hearing the front door unclick and the dogs starting to rustle about again. There was the sound of heavy thumps on the floor and the scuffing of boots.

“Taako? Krav? Sorry I'm in so late, but I'm here now!”

Angus and Ren glanced over at each other, then towards the babies. Ren just shrugged, tucking one of the sheets over them and patting them on the tummy. She had very decisively  _not_ made a point, but despite that, he understood.

Just let it play out, now.


End file.
